Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after Christmas. "My parents just combine my birthday with Christmas, that's all, " he explained. But we knew this was a lie. Glen's parents just wrapped a couple of his Christmas presents in birthday-themed wrapping paper, stuck some candles in a supermarket cake, and had a dinner of Christmas leftovers. Augusten Burroughs
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More Quotes By Augusten Burroughs
  1. If you have one parent who loves you, even if they can't buy you clothes, they're so poor and they make all kinds of mistakes and maybe sometimes they even give you awful advice, but never for one moment do you doubt their love for...
  2. Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.
  3. I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.
  4. Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth
  5. Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.
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